Life is about relationships, whether we like to admit it or not. Most jobs, including those that involve “hard skills,” depend on honesty, open communication, and the ability to take feedback. Yet, encountering these skills is a rarity.
In my own experience working in not-for-profits for well over a decade, most people, most of the time, can be incredibly defensive. We have all had bad bosses and coworkers whose arrogance makes their lives unnecessarily difficult.
Over the years, I have often asked what makes or breaks cohesive teams. Time and again, the big difference between success and failure is how a group can handle conflict. Can people listen without judgment? Is criticism treated as an opportunity to learn instead of a source of contention? More often than not, teams that personalize conflict fall apart rather quickly. Despite attending more professional development conferences than I can count, rarely have I heard humility brought up as a virtue.
I want to dedicate this blog post to addressing an under-discussed topic in our hyper-individualistic society: the ego. I define the ego as an over-inflated sense of self that we all have to some degree. It is not possible to remove the ego, but it is desirable to become aware of it and keep it in check.
While developing a healthy relationship with one’s ego is a lifelong task that is almost impossible to replicate on a large scale, my argument is to take practical steps to minimize it in group settings. Most successful teams are rooted in humility, even if they do not admit it. Accordingly, here are three points to consider when building an effective team that anyone can follow, irrespective of formal roles or titles.
1. Use objective metrics to gauge success
Often, I come across people afraid to acknowledge failure. It is easy to move goalposts and turn a shortcoming into a self-justifying success. Objectivity is the great equalizer. Without a common framework rooted in the material world to analyze events, it becomes easy for the mind to make up stories and exaggerate ideas that suit its narrative. Compare your actions to external rubrics, and by doing so, you will make it easy to acknowledge when new initiatives fail and create a solid framework for improvement. Organizationally, ego seeps in when people lack clarity or have no room for objective and direct discussions.
2. Call the ego by its name
When reading Eastern philosophies, it becomes apparent that for millions (or even billions) of people throughout most of history, the primary goal of one’s life was to overcome the ego. Yet, in modern Western society, you will rarely hear the topic of mindfulness discussed. Calling out the ego is nearly impossible in most professional settings because most professionals are unaware it is a problem. Part of overcoming ego is acknowledging it and creating space for people to become aware of it. In practice, this involves calling people out for arrogant remarks, creating a culture of criticism where people feel free to offer constructive feedback, and acknowledging mistakes.
3. Practice what you preach
The best way to stop ego from running rampant on a team is to prevent it from dominating your life. Only through awareness of the ego will you show others how to become aware of themselves. Be humble yourself, and it will naturally inspire others. Do not accuse people of arrogance without evidence or talk down someone’s character. As people, we often judge intentions or question someone’s commitment to the greater good, especially in not-for-profits. Instead, let your actions speak for themselves, and gradually, you will become a true leader. Overcoming the ego does not mean passivity; it means fighting for your values but being able to see the world as it is without your own self-inflating biases.
Professionalism is personal, despite what some people may think. Humans are social creatures who primarily live in interdependent communities. Whether grassroots or institutional, every organization depends on cohesion and mutual trust. While it may be easy to suggest that group problems stem from a lack of emotional restraint or personality clashes, there is also an underlying problem that few discuss in contemporary society: the ego.
While true enlightenment is difficult to achieve, one can take three tangible steps to foster humility in a team culture. First, be objective and look at the world as it is, not how you would like it to be. Encourage others to track metrics that are not subjective so that people can see failures clearly. Next, call the ego out and create space for others to do so. Only through awareness is it possible to find humility. Lastly, become a humble person to inspire others to do the same. Condescension is a surefire way to create divisions. Instead, change yourself without losing your passion and confidence.
Dakota McGovern 